Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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