if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
