apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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