Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
