Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
