I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
