i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
