My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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