So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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