wakey wakey hands off snakey
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
