brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the day after is always just damage control
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
