so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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