My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
should my penis look like a turkey
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
