Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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