You made me cry and you don't even care
If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
