Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
