I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
