I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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