i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
