if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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