you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
