I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
