I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
