her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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