Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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