I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
