It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
