You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
