someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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