I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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