On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
