Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
