And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
