Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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