the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
