Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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