Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We just shotgunned beers for America
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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