the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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