I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
pray to the hookup gods
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
