You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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