Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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