mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
