Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
