there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
