I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
