Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
