he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
