Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
