been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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