Come see our sink grown plant.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
