He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
