I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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