Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
