im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
