you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
