Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Randomize
