We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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